The World According to Maiden Fair

Life goes on

Filed under: Maiden's World,Tragedys in my World — November 17, 2009 @ 10:41 am

I’ve been quiet for a long time and I’m truly sorry about that. It has been an extremely difficult time in my life. I lost my mother back in September. On the same day we learned my Mother was in the hospital we got a phone call from a hospital in Philadelphia that my Sister-in-law was in a coma and unresponsive. I went to California on my own as Hubby had to wait to find out about his sister. He flew to Philadelphia the day of my Mother’s Funeral. I got home on Saturday and on Monday he called and needed me with him, so on Tuesday I drove east for two days to get there. During all of this I was supposed to have surgery to replace my knee, but as of today that has not happened yet. We were in Philadelphia for at least 2 weeks – She died on the day after I got there, and we had to take care of everything as she had left no instructions – no will, no power of attorney, nothing. It was truly overwhelming – especially since we had no idea she had been that sick. She kept telling us that everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine and if things hadn’t been overwhelming us here for a different reason, we might have realized it. I wanted to go visit her this summer for a few days, but things just didn’t work out. At least with my mom there was all of my siblings there and my cousin came from Ohio. There was love and support from all around. I could not believe that anyone could so totally reject family who loved them and choose to live so totally alone.

It has taught me a few lessons – 1) don’t reject those who love you just because someone else in your family may have upset you. Draw close to those people who truly care about you and let them help you as you can help them. Life, family, love – it’s all a two way street. 2) don’t leave everything for someone else to do. Make the plans you want and see that they are financed – write a will and make sure the people you want to have your things actually get them. 3) don’t leave your next of kin hanging without the authority to make decisions for you. A power of attorney – a living will – and a will – plus access to certain funds and knowledge of safe deposit boxes and the value of items in your collections – make an inventory and an appraisal – and have it accessible. 4) Get rid of old papers and junk. You do NOT need to keep 50 years of tax paperwork, you do not need to keep every receipt or insurance paper that ever crossed the threshold of the apartment. You can say no if someone wants to give you something that you have no use for.

Needless to say, we are working on clearing out the things that have no value and continue to clear out the paperwork as it comes in. Computers are wonderful for this chore – taxes on the computer that can be called up on demand – and really you only need 5 to 7 years of it anyway – if you aren’t trying to cheat the IRS – what’s the real problem. Most of us are taking the standard deduction on wages, interest and unemployment. It’s all there. Those who run a business have a different set of problems. But this woman hadn’t worked in 9 years, she had no income beyond some savings and she payed no income tax but still we saved it all. It took days to go through everything – never finding what we really needed because those things didn’t exist. It made something so sad into a real tragedy – for her and for us too.

1 Comment »

  1. MaidenFair:

    Barb McCaslin Riffey Sending hugs across the miles!
    November 17, 2009 at 11:26am ·

    Teddy Leonard Sending you big hugs…
    November 17, 2009 at 11:35am ·

    Shelley Tatum I’m so sorry, Kathleen … we are here anytime you need us. Sending more hugs!
    November 17, 2009 at 12:05pm ·

    Vicki Doutt Kathleen, I am sorry to hear about your Mother, We will be praying for you. God Bless.
    November 17, 2009 at 2:33pm ·

    Rhonda Buttacavoli My deepest sympathy, Kathy. It was the worst time for me so I understand. My love and prayers.
    November 17, 2009 at 10:14pm ·

    Marie Strothotte Kathleen, I’m sorry to hear of your loss – please accept my sympathy.
    November 17, 2009 at 11:36pm ·

    Kathleen Doutt Ward Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It’s been a hard time, but with good family and friends, we will survive and grow stronger
    November 18, 2009 at 10:34am ·

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